To the Void and Back Ch9

Title: To the Void and Back
Author: ElCapitan18
Game: Dragon Age
Characters/Pairing: F!Lavellan and Cullen
Disclaimer: All recognizable content belongs to Bioware

(Spoilers All)

~*~

What had started as foolish confidence had quickly turned into unbearable anxiety. Cullen had been so bold that day on the practice grounds, too bold it seemed. After their little sparring match Delani had wasted no time packing up and heading out to meet with Hawke’s contact in the Wardens. She’d left for Crestwood without so much as a goodbye, and Cullen knew that he’d made a mistake.

He’d called her by her first name. Cullen had succumbed after weeks, months, of professionalism and restraint, and he’d finally addressed the Inquisitor as Delani, as if it were his right to call her that. In exchange she’d finally told him what vhenan’ara meant, fulfilling the terms of an arrangement that he had never agreed to. The meaning of the elven word hadn’t stopped humming through his veins, more seductive than the lure of lyrium.

My heart’s desire. All this time she’d been telling him right to his face exactly how she felt about him. He’d assumed it to be a nickname, like the ones that Varric so generously handed out. Learning that it was more than a nickname, more than a pet name, but an admission to romantic feelings… the thought made Cullen grin without restraint. Perhaps Delani felt the same about him as he did her, after all. He needed to talk with her about this, about what would change in their relationship—if anything at all. But he couldn’t talk to her until she returned from her journeys.

Two weeks had already passed and still Delani was out on the field. Reports said she would be back soon, but suddenly Cullen was nervous about seeing her again. What if she’d been calling him vhenan’ara just to enjoy a private joke. Or maybe she said it the same way that Vivienne called everyone ‘darling’. He tried to recall if she’d ever called anyone else by his pet name, but no one else came to mind. Delani referred to Solas as Lethallin and to Cole as da’len, but aside from them no one else had earned names in her native tongue.

Cullen’s fingers were drumming on the surface of his desk as he thought, too distracted by his restless mind to focus on the field reports waiting for his attention. He knew that he needed to speak with Delani, what he didn’t know was what he would say. After two weeks to think and plan he still had no idea how the conversation would transpire.

He knew what he wanted to happen. Cullen wanted to speak privately with Delani, perhaps in the chapel beside the garden, and he wanted to ask her what she meant when she called him vhenan’ara. Not what the words meant, but what the words meant to her when she used them on him. Did she truly feel romantically toward him? Was it even possible? And if she did, did she want anything to come of it?

His desires were easy. Cullen wanted Delani. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to kiss her, he wanted to taste her, and breathe her in. Cullen wanted to learn everything that there was to know about her, and none of that mattered until he knew whether or not she wanted the same things. What she wanted was all that mattered to him. If being with him was actually something that she wanted, then he would pursue what came next. If not… if not, he would be disappointed but he would understand.

When it became clear that he would get no work done while his mind was adrift in the clouds, Cullen pushed himself out of his seat and left his office behind. Leliana had been getting frequent reports from her crows in regards to Delani’s progress. If anyone could tell him when he should expect the Inquisitor to be back, it was she.

Crossing the walkway that led from his office to the main hall, Cullen entered the finely painted cylindrical room. Solas was seated at his desk, contemplating an artifact of some kind. The apostate looked up from his task and bowed his head in respectful greeting at the sight of the Commander entering his workspace.

Cullen nodded in kind before finding the winding stairwell that would take him to the library and then to Leliana’s rookery. He and Solas had spoken on a few occasions, enough for Cullen to get an accurate read on the apostate. Solas was wise, opinionated, proud, and a good friend to Delani. His words held weight to the Inquisitor, sometimes more weight than they should have. He was respectful and mindful of those around him and so, even if Cullen was cautious towards him, he did not dislike the elf.

He climbed the last step to the library and started around the loop that would take him to the next stairway, only to be intercepted by a mustached Tevinter mage. Dorian stepped out in front of him, mischief in his smile and trouble in his grey eyes. Cullen sighed at the sight of Dorian’s devilish expression, and fought back a small smile at the same time.

Dorian had this way about him. He could be the most arrogant and narcissistic brat that had ever lived, while also being the most charming, kind hearted, and thoughtful person in the room. Sometimes maintaining conversation with the man was equal parts dizzying and intriguing. Though Cullen’s objective was to pester Leliana on whether or not she knew when to expect Delani’s return, he welcomed the distraction Dorian promised to be. Truly any distraction from thoughts of the Inquisitor were welcome right about now.

“My, my, Commander,” Dorian started in that playful sing song way of his. “Where are we off to in such a hurry?”

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, allowing himself to detour from his course in order to speak with the mage. Stepping into the little nook Dorian had claimed for himself, Cullen offered the other man a sideways smile as greeting and turned his attention out the window.

Resting his hands on the pommel of his sword, Cullen answered Dorian’s question. “I was going to speak to Lady Leliana,” he admitted, his gaze still on the snowy mountains surrounding Skyhold. “I was curious to see if she knew when the Inquisitor was expected to be returning.”

“Again?” Dorian asked, a laugh in his voice that was just mocking enough to pull a narrowed look from Cullen. Rubbing his chin curiously, he investigated, “Weren’t you just here a few days ago after the same information?”

“I—“ Cullen felt his cheeks burn and he cleared his throat. Straightening his spine, he recovered, “I have pressing matters to discuss with the Inquisitor.”

Dorian’s grey eyes sharpened a touch, the look he gave the Commander was knowing. Graciously deciding to not provoke Cullen further, he stated, “I imagine that Lady Leliana’s answer remains unchanged, Commander. Crestwood may not be far in regards to distance, but I can guess that the journey is tiring all the same.”

Quirking a curious eyebrow, Cullen wondered, “Is that why you didn’t go?”

A smile curled Dorian’s lips. He absently twirled his mustache as he answered, “Oh no. I didn’t go because I was not invited.” His words implied that Dorian felt slighted over being left behind, but his tone spoke only of relief and gratitude because of the same reason.

Sighing, he added, “Honestly, I’d gotten enough of dreary weather and undead in the Fallow Mire. Lady Lavellan leaving me behind was an act of righteous mercy, and I will have to thank her properly upon her return; perhaps with a bottle of fine Orlesian wine.” Dorian continued to twirl his mustache as he thought over the proper gift. “It’s not nearly as good as the wine we have in Tevinter, but it will do.”

Allowing a small smile to hint at his lips, Cullen regarded the mage closely. Dorian was an odd man, but a good one all the same. There had been a point in Cullen’s life where he’d simply refused to believe that mages could be treated like people. He’d been wrong. Dorian was a person, he had his faults —even if he refused to acknowledge them as such— he had his weaknesses, and he was good. Cullen had hated mages, but that hate had dissipated over the years. Now when he looked at Dorian he could see beyond the magic, he could see the person, Cullen could see a friend.

“How are you liking the Inquisition, Dorian?” Cullen asked, walking further into the nook so that he would be able to lean against the window. Without looking over his shoulder to where Dorian was still standing, he added, “What are your thoughts on the Inquisitor?”

“Always with the questions. You sure are a curious lot, aren’t you?” Dorian groaned as he eased himself into the large chair surrounded by piles upon piles of books. “I suppose that’s why they call you the Inquisition.”

After snickering softly to himself, Dorian quickly moved on to answer Cullen’s questions. “The Inquisition is still in its adolescence, dear Cullen.” When Cullen glanced back, the mage was seated languidly in his chair, hands behind his head and more comfortable than any person had any right to be. “Against a force like the one Corypheus has, well, we stand a chance though it might not be a very good one.”

Dorian sighed. “I suppose if I’m going to die for any particular cause, it may as well be this one.” After a moment he moved on to Cullen’s second question. “In regards to Delani, well, she is a treat.”

At the mention of Delani, Cullen gave Dorian his full attention. He crossed his arms comfortably over his chest and leaned his back against the brick wall. Pursuing the topic, he wondered, “How so?”

“She’s a fiery ball of snark and sass, that one,” Dorian answered with a laugh. “She has the perfect balance of cunning and insanity to give me hope that we may have the slightest chance. I’ve grown quite fond of her, if I’m being perfectly honest. I find her dry wit endearing. And her smiles are a rare enough commodity for me to cherish the few I earn.”

Cullen rose a brow at that. He recalled all of the interactions that he had shared with Delani. During a vast majority of them Cullen had witnessed Delani’s smile in some shape or another. The curl of her lips was enchanting, alluring, intoxicating, but they were not that hard to come by. If Cullen managed to embarrass himself just so he was always rewarded with a smile. He decided to call Dorian out on his nonsense.

“What are you on about, Ser Pavus?” Cullen asked, genuinely confused as to whether or not they were speaking about the same person. “I would hardly go so far as to call Lady Lavellan’s smiles ‘rare’.”

Another laugh burst out from Dorian. He was amused by the confusion on Cullen’s face, finding the Commander’s ignorance entertaining. When he noticed that Cullen did not share in his amusement, Dorian forced his grin down a degree and bit back the rest of his laughter. Regarding Cullen as though he were a clueless child, he explained, “That is because our fair Inquisitor has a soft spot for you, Commander.”

His heart leapt at that. Cullen stared hard at Dorian, wordlessly demanding an explanation. Was it true? Did Delani truly share her smiles with him because she cared about him? It was too much to hope for. Though, the evidence was there. She called him her heart’s desire, and her behavior towards him was enough to draw the attention of onlookers. Perhaps Delani having feelings for him was not as impossible as it seemed.

“I can’t say I blame her,” Dorian went on, unaware of Cullen’s internal turmoil. He gave Cullen an astute once over before returning his attention to his cuticles and commenting, “She has good taste in men. I know a good looking man when I see one; which is every time I look in a mirror, which is often, I can’t help myself.”

Cullen cleared his throat at Dorian’s observation, feeling a telling heat burn under the surface of his skin. “I—uh… Thank you..?” He would take the compliment and the information he’d gathered with it. Delani had feelings for him, what exactly they were, and how strong, he didn’t know yet. Once she returned they would discuss it at length, Cullen just needed to figure out what exactly he would say to her.

Giving Dorian a departing smile, Cullen excused himself from the conversation. “Thank you for your time, Dorian, but I must be on my way.”

When Cullen walked back the way he came, towards the descending stairwell instead of the one that led to the rookery, Dorian called after him. “I thought that you had to speak to our spy master?”

“Another time perhaps,” he replied over his shoulder. “There is much work to be done.” Cullen left the library and returned to the path that would take him to his office. Delani would be back soon, it was what Leliana would have told him if he asked. Her being away from Skyhold meant that he had some more time to strategize what he was going to say to her.


Snow broke under her feet, the white powder giving way to the trudge of her boots. Delani was dragging her feet and she knew it, but the very thought of returning to Skyhold made her sick. Cullen was at Skyhold, and she was going to have to face him eventually. Her stomach turned and Delani took a deep breath to chase away the nervous anxiety taking root in her gut.

After months of practically begging for him to call her by her name, he finally had. She’d been goaded by Hawke into a bet and challenged Cullen to a sparring match. The whole thing had left her breathless, the memory of it still stole the oxygen from her lungs.

Cullen had followed her lead and undressed until he stood bare chested before her. She’d gaped at him, her jaw hitting the ground at the sight of ropes on top of ropes of muscle. He had wide set shoulders and an expansive chest, his biceps were thick and strong, his abdominals were mouthwateringly defined, and he had this thicket of golden hair that started at his navel and traveled down to the waistband of his trousers.

Delani remembered how her eyes had widened at the sight of him, how her stomach had fluttered, and how her blood had warmed. He’d put up a better fight than she had expected him to. Perhaps it was arrogance, but Delani had been so sure that she could take him down within ten minutes time. As it turned out, Cullen was a better sparring partner than she’d anticipated, and their little dance had left her hot and bothered by the end of it.

Feeling his weight pressing down on top of her, his face only a few inches from hers. It had been something straight out of her fantasies, and Delani had wanted to steal his lips with hers so badly. When she tactlessly brought attention to their precarious position, Cullen had leaped from on top of her as though he might catch a disease. Delani had immediately missed his weight, his warmth, the feeling of his sweat slickened body pressed against hers.

He’d pulled her onto her feet, chivalrous and respectful as always, but instead of letting her go he had pulled her closer. The act of tugging her toward him had been strange enough, but then he’d said it, Cullen had called her by her name.

“You’re going to have to try a bit harder if you want to put me on my knees, Delani.”

His voice had been a low, seductive, sensual rumble. The sound of it had been an odd combination of sedating and invigorating, comforting and challenging, it had been an invitation and a provocation. Her heart had picked up in pace, drumming excitedly against her ears, her blood had warmed until she’d been fidgety with needy discomfort. Cullen had said her name and her entire body had awoken at the sound of it.

She had made a deal with him. When he finally decided to address her by her name she would tell him what vhenen’ara meant. Delani did not back away from deals. He had held up his part of the bargain, and all that was left for her to hold up her own. Feeling nerves grow in her gut, she’d told him the meaning.

“Then I will have to try harder next time, my heart’s desire.”

My heart’s desire. She’d translated the words for him and then she had fled. Delani had put together a team as quickly as possible, giving Blackwall, Vivienne, and Cassandra next to no time to prepare. After announcing to Hawke that she was ready to go to Crestwood now, right now, they’d all left Skyhold in search of Hawke’s friend in the Wardens.

It had been quite the relief to be away from Skyhold, away from Cullen, for some time. After her admission, Delani was certain that he thought that she was a mad woman. What kind of person gave someone they barely knew a pet name like ‘my heart’s desire’? Crazy people, that’s who. And that was probably what Cullen now thought of her.

Delani groaned as she dragged a hand down her face. They were so close to Skyhold now, with Stroud and valuable information in tow. They would be there soon, and she was going to have to face Cullen. He was going to tell her how uncomfortable she made him, how her interest in him was unreciprocated, and he was going to tell her that he thought it was best if their relationship stayed professional.

Ugh. She’d been a fool, a complete and total fool. And now she was going to have to see what that foolishness had earned her.

When Bella Hawke strode up beside her, Delani had barely noticed her until it was already too late. The sound of the other woman’s mischievous voice shocked her out of her thoughts and back into reality.

“What’s with the glower, Inquisitor?” asked Bella, a smile in her voice that was also present in her eyes. When Delani turned to look at the taller woman, Bella explained, “You’ve been scowling ever since we left Crestwood.”

A mahogany eyebrow quirked and the corner of Bella’s lips tilted up into a foxy smirk. Her tone was teasing when she ventured, “You’re not in a sour mood because we’re returning to Skyhold, and you have to see Cullen again; are you?” Her smirk grew into a grin at the sight of Delani’s eyes widening with surprise. Shrugging, she elaborated, “You know, because he beat you.”

A breath of relief escaped her. Bella was right, but only partly so. Narrowing her eyes on the human, Delani corrected her observation, “He did not beat me; it was a draw.” Giving Bella a nettled look, she finished, “And you still owe me coin, Hawke.”

“No,” Bella replied with an indignant shake of her head. Her curls bounced around her face, her pale skin was rosy from the cold, and her blue eyes had a lively shine as she reminded Delani about the terms of their wager. “I already paid you for challenging him. The rest of the coin was if you’d won. And, like you said, it was a draw.”

Delani’s only reply was a disgruntled huff and a shake of her head.

“Although,” Bella bumped her arm against Delani’s in a playful manner. “There is still some unresolved tension between the two of you, much in need of release; you know the kind I’m referring to, don’t you, Inquisitor?”

She gave the shemlan a sidelong glance. Delani did in fact know the kind of tension that Hawke was referring to, and she also knew that Bella had no idea what she was talking about. There was no sexual tension between her and Cullen. ‘Sexual tension’ would require romantic desires from both mentioned parties. Delani wanted Cullen, she wanted to be with him, but what would a man like him ever want with an elf? At any rate, it hardly mattered. She’d scared him off good and proper already. Whatever chances she’d once had with Cullen were as good as gone.

Noticing the doubtful look in Delani’s features, Bella rolled her eyes in annoyance. She glanced back at their companions, making sure that they had sufficient room for a veneer of privacy to have this conversation. Satisfied that no one would over hear them, Bella’s attention returned to Delani and a smile unraveled on her heart shaped lips.

“Come now, Delani,” Bella started as though she were speaking to a child. “I’ve seen the way you look at each other. There is definitely something there, whether or not you believe it.”

Delani also looked back at their companions. They were trailing some distance behind, conversing among themselves as she and Bella led them back to Skyhold. Returning her attention forward, they walked a few steps before she sucked in a deep breath and replied.

“Whatever chance I had with the Commander was ruined,” Delani admitted, watching her feet as she continued to press the group forward. “I doubt he’ll even want to look at me now.”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” Bella said with a scoff. The look she gave Delani was scolding, her sharp blue eyes narrowed with disappointment. “I pursued that man for years, Delani.” she reminded her. “I used all my best moves and everything. And believe you me, I can be charming when I want to be.”

Sounding both exasperated and incredulous, Bella informed her, “He never so much as batted an eyelash at me. But with you,” she shook her head, and Delani’s heart began to swell with hope. When the other woman’s blue eyes returned to Delani they were twinkling with mirth. “The way he looks at you, some might think that the sun shines out your ass.”

A surprised laugh sounded from Delani. She didn’t want to believe it, of course, but Bella had no reason to lie. They got along together well enough, but it wasn’t reason enough for her to lie in attempt to comfort her. If Hawke insisted that she saw something between Delani and Cullen it had to be because there was something truly there; which meant that maybe Delani’s feelings weren’t so unrequited.

Solas had said something similar before, but she’d refused to believe it. The safety of her clan had been too hefty a worry for her to consider something romantic with Cullen. Now her clan was safe, thanks to the man, and she no longer had the luxury of that excuse. Bella was now the second person who’d told her that her feelings were mirrored. Even so, Delani wasn’t quite sure what she was supposed to do with that information.

“Though we weren’t ever really friends, I’ve known Cullen for years,” Bella continued speaking over Delani’s thoughts. “That man is controlled and professional to a fault. Do you know what I didn’t see much of during your little sparring match?” Hawke waited for Delani to answer and when all she did was look at the human expectantly, Bella sighed and supplied for her, “Professionalism or self-control.”

Hawke’s smile was warm, friendly, encouraging. Her eyes were bright with ideas and plots and the look she gave her made Delani only the slightest bit nervous. “You did that,” she stated, the grin on her lips was loud in her voice. “You brought down his walls, if only a little. The attention that Cullen gives you is singular and undivided, and I sincerely doubt that there is anything that you can ever do that will ‘ruin’ the way he feels about you.”

An unfamiliar warmth was spreading through Delani, hope and something else filling her to the brim. She wanted to believe everything that Bella was telling her, she wanted to think that she hadn’t destroyed whatever chance she had with Cullen. The problem was that, even if she hadn’t, Delani didn’t know what to do next. She looked back at the others again, making sure that their false sense of privacy still stood strong.

Satisfied that their conversation would continue to go unheard —or at least ignored— Delani looked back at Hawke and asked, “Then what should I do? I’m the Inquisitor, he is my general. I can’t possibly simply walk up to him and profess my feelings.”

“And why not?” Bella demanded after making a semi-insulted pfft noise. Eyebrow knitting with patronizing curiosity, she asked, “How else is he supposed to know how you feel?”

Delani didn’t answer, instead she set her jaw and ground her teeth. Bella was right of course. Delani was usually better about being open and honest with her feelings, but thoughts of Cullen made her nervous. She had never been with a human before, romantically or otherwise. When they trudged around the bend of the mountain Skyhold came into view and Delani knew that she didn’t have much time left to come up with a battle plan.

Sighing beside her, Bella pulled Delani’s attention back onto her and offered the Inquisitor an encouraging smirk. “A word of advice, Inquisitor: don’t pussyfoot this subject. Fenris and I wasted a lot of time before finally finding our way into each other’s arms.” Bella’s gaze grew distant when she talked about Fenris. It was obvious by the set of her jaw that she missed her man, and Delani would never understand why she had left him behind in the first place.

A small morose smile curled the corner of Hawke’s mouth. With her gaze on Skyhold, she stated, “All that time could have been spent with the man I love, but instead we both hid from our feelings instead of admitting to them.” She shook her head and averted her gaze onto Delani, the twist of her lips was still a touch melancholy when she observed, “Life is short when you live the way we do. Tomorrow is always uncertain, our next battle could be our last. When you find someone that you care for you latch onto them for as long as you can.”

“If you have feelings for Cullen you need to be honest with yourself and with him.” Bella advised, her typical sarcasm was gone from her voice. This was not a topic that she took lightly, and it was one that she obviously wanted to help Delani with. Her advice was welcome, and her council was being taken to heart. “If you want to be with him you need to tell him as much, only then will you know if he wants the same thing. And the only way to do that is to talk to him.”

Delani let out a heavy huff and directed her attention forward once more. She and Hawke both allowed silence to rejoin the group, and she continued to lead them back toward Skyhold. Bella was right. For all her deflection and sarcasm Bella was a very caring and insightful individual. She and Delani barely knew each other, and still she’d given her solid advice gained from experience and out of respectful empathy. Suddenly Varric’s fondness for the human wasn’t so strange. It was easy to see why Hawke had garnered such loyalty from her companions. She was a remarkable woman.

Her mind was made. When Delani returned to Skyhold she would get herself cleaned up and then she would speak to Cullen. The thought made her so nervous she felt like she could vomit. It had to be done and she knew it. Her feelings for Cullen weren’t going to pass, and pining over him from a distance would get her nowhere. Delani was going to take the guesswork out of it. She was going to tell Cullen how she felt. He either felt the same way or he didn’t, and she was going to find out one way or another.


His conversation with Dorian had made it a bit easier for him to focus on his work. Cullen was no longer concerned about when Delani would return to Skyhold because he knew that eventually she would return. He rehearsed his lines as he thumbed through paperwork, reciting to himself what he would say upon her arrival. He had already made up for all the work he’d struggled with earlier, and was making good headway in finishing the rest.

Keeping his hands busy was also helping to calm the unsteadiness in his gut. He was nervous and antsy. Delani would be back soon, which meant that he would have to speak to her, he would have to confess his feelings for her and he hoped to the Maker that they were not one sided.

Cullen didn’t hear the door to his office open until it was too late. Quickly glancing up from his paperwork, he did a double take when he saw that it was Delani who had entered his quarters. He hadn’t even realized that she’d returned. Apparently his work had been a better distraction than he anticipated it would be.

“Inquisitor—“ he stammered, surprised, all tact and confidence stolen from him by the suddenness of her appearance.

Awkwardly standing from his seat, Cullen took in her appearance. She’d taken the time to bathe before coming to see him, which meant that she’d been back for some time now. Her auburn hair was still damp, the strands drying in shiny waves. Her clothes were fresh and the smell of wildflowers reached him from his place behind his desk. Delani’s expression was serious, a wall built of stone and steel put up against him. Her lips were a thin line, and her sea green eyes were absent their usual mirth. Her strange demeanor was disconcerting, and Cullen’s nervousness redoubled.

“Cullen,” she started, her tone serious, absent the private jesting he’d grown so accustomed to hearing. “I need to speak with you,” Delani glanced to the soldier standing beside the door and set her jaw before moving her hard gaze back onto him, “alone.”

“Alone?” He repeated, uncertain whether or not he wanted to really have the conversation that they were about to have. By the looks of Delani, he didn’t think that it was going to be a good one. And still she was the Inquisitor and he was her general, he was her advisor, if she wanted to speak to him then it was his job to listen.

Cullen cleared his throat. “Right,” he said, swallowing down the dread that threatened to rear its nasty head. Walking toward the door, he gestured for her to lead the way out onto the battlements. “After you, my lady.”

They left his office behind and stepped out into another beautiful day at Skyhold. The air was crisp, and the unbroken sunlight made the temperature comfortable. Sucking in a deep, steadying breath, Cullen attempted to calm his nerves and failed.

Unconsciously rubbing the back of his neck, he observed, “It’s a nice day.”

Delani didn’t respond, only continued to lead him further out onto the battlements. Her shoulders were stiff, her posture uncharacteristically closed off. When she finally stopped, she turned around to face him and Cullen could see the uncertainty in her eyes. Grinding her teeth, she started, “Cullen—“ only to be cut off by him.

“What you said,” he wanted to let her speak, he knew that the proper thing to do was to let her go first, but Cullen feared what she might say. He didn’t want her to speak without her knowing how he felt, propriety be damned. “Vhenan’ara, it means my heart’s desire, doesn’t it?”

Delani blinked slowly and held her eyes shut. She took a deep breath, her nose flaring, and her features scrunched up slightly with what he assumed to be embarrassment. When she opened her eyes again, the confirmation was already in those sea green depths before she gave voice to the words. “It does.”

His heart soared, and Cullen coaxed it back down. The confirmation didn’t mean anything until she said it did. He needed to push the conversation along, he needed to know how she truly felt. “Is it—“ he paused, considering his wording. “Am I truly…”

A small, self-conscious smile started to twist the corner of her mouth and Delani shrugged. She looked away from him, her eyes searching the horizon, the heavens, the battlements, and the courtyard, everywhere but him. When she finally met his gaze again he could clearly see her nervousness, recognizing it as the same kind he felt in himself.

“The heart wants what it wants,” she started, her voice soft and hesitant, “whether or not it’s an appropriate time to want it.”

Cullen opened his mouth to reply, but she interrupted him before he could. “Look, Cullen,” her voice was firm, clear, and full of a forced confidence that he found enviable. “I have developed feelings for you, and I think that it’s only fair that I’m honest with you about them.”

Mistaking the surprise in his features as something else, she quickly moved to salvage her statement. “I understand if you don’t feel the same, I just wanted to…” she let the sentence hang there for a second and Cullen completely understood what it was she was trying to say.

His heart did a backflip in his chest, elation and excitement coursing like electricity through his bloodstream. She had feelings for him. Delani Lavellan, the Herald of Andraste, the Inquisitor had feelings for him. What in Andraste’s blessed name had he ever done to be deserving of her affections?

The combination of nerves and excitement was heady and Cullen was having a difficult time articulating his feelings into words. Awkwardly, he tried anyway. “I can’t say that I haven’t wondered what I would say to you in this situation.” Because it would be a boldfaced lie. It had been exactly what Cullen had spent the majority of the day doing, and every line rehearsed had fled from him the moment of Delani’s arrival.

“You have?” she asked, surprised by the admission. Her eyes shined brighter with his words, the protective wall that she’d built against him was starting to chip and Cullen could already see her typical jovial demeanor shining through. Her voice rang with uncertainty when she attempted to clarify. “You mean that you also—“

“Have developed feelings for you as well?” He finished for her, a small laugh tumbling out of him. Nodding, Cullen assured her, “Yes, and they grow harder to ignore with each passing day.”

Tilting her head curiously, Delani’s smile started to surface, her expression turning hopeful. Quietly she wondered, “What’s stopping you?”

“You’re the Inquisitor,” he supplied as though it were answer enough, when her brow rose he knew that it wasn’t. Rubbing the back of his neck he continued, “We’re at war… I didn’t think it was possible.”

Finally her smile unearthed. It was small, gentle, and heartwarming. Delani was regarding Cullen with a look that filled him with confidence. She wanted him as badly he wanted her, all that he needed to do was take the first step. “It’s possible, Cullen.” she stated with a laugh that sounded suspiciously self-conscious and uncertain. “Not only is it possible but I’m also standing right here.”

He smiled at that and took a small step toward her. “So you are,” replied Cullen, his voice low. He took another step, a longer one this time. “It seems too much to ask.” Each step he took in her direction, Delani took one back, until he had her pressed against the sturdy battlement’s ledge. He tilted his face down and his lips whispered over hers, “But I want to—“

“Commander,” the sound of one of Cullen’s soldiers interrupted them before his lips could make blessed contact with hers. Cullen felt his hackles rise, fury and annoyance burned through him as he turned to face the moron who thought that now was a good time to approach him.

Unaware of the ire he was arousing, the soldier continued along as though he weren’t interrupting a very important moment. “You wanted a copy of sister Leliana's report—” He looked up from the report in his hand in time to catch the rage burning behind Cullen’s eyes.

From behind him, Delani growled, “You can either leave that report on his desk, or you can be thrown off of the battlements. One way or the other, I want you out of my sight before I get to the count of three.”

The soldier looked from Delani to Cullen and when he saw that the Commander wasn’t going to disagree with her statement, his mouth fell open with surprise. Delani started to count, “One,” and immediately he started to back away with a meek, “Or to your office. Right.” and ran before he could find out if Delani would be true to her word.

Cullen turned around to face Delani again. Her eyes were bright with amusement and frustration, and he was so glad to see that what remained of the wall she’d put up earlier was gone for good. She was back to normal, snark and sass returned to their proper places. She gave him a sideways smile, a challenge in her voice when she next spoke.

“You were saying?”

Without further invitation necessary, Cullen closed the gap between them once again. He crushed his lips against hers, claiming her mouth with his own. Burying his fingers in her hair, he marveled at how soft she was, her lips, her skin, her hair, everything about her was soft while she herself was strong to her very core. Delani was consuming, just being in her presence always managed to leave him breathless, but now she was literally stealing the breath from his lungs.

Her tongue snaked out, cajoling his lips for entrance. Granting her access, Cullen’s tongue eagerly greeted her, welcoming the taste of her in his mouth. She was sweet, and tasted of wild freedom. As their tongues danced, Cullen felt himself becoming thoroughly enthralled by her, he needed more, he would always need more. She tasted of sin and desire, and righteousness and victory. Delani was the kind of woman that inspired songs, and Cullen was overwhelmed by her.

When their lips finally parted he couldn’t remember how to formulate language. He cleared his throat in attempt to gather his bearings. “I’m sorry…” he started, though he wasn’t really. If he was sorry about anything it was that he needed to breathe; if the intake of oxygen wasn’t necessary he wouldn’t have ever pulled his lips from hers. Blinking his mind back into focus, he finished, “That was really nice.”

“Really nice?” she said with a scoff. Giving him a playful glare, Delani grabbed him by the front of his cloak and pulled him back toward her. She stood on the tips of her toes and stated, “Come now, Cullen, we can do better than that.”

He felt his ears burn with the challenge. A soft chuckle spilled out of him. Holding her by the nape of the neck, he lowered his mouth back to hers and whispered, “We certainly can, Delani,” before kissing her again.